Thomas

Well, if any of you have kept up with my ramblings you know about Thomas and his cancer. Thomas passed away on Thursday. I was really, really, upset and sad when I read on his mother's blog on Friday that his fight was over. It makes me so sad just to think about it. I know his struggle is over and he's at peace, etc. but it's still a hard thing to swallow and think about.
This year has been full of children dying it seems. Maybe I'm just more sensitive to it because I now have a child, but honestly, these past 12 months have worn me out. Sydney, Allie, and now Thomas. Sigh.
I hate the fact that there is sin in the world and that is what causes these awful things to happen to these babies. I don't know what else to say. What do you say when faced with all this? Yes I realize God is in control, but sometimes it seems that evil is, even though it's not, because of all the awful things that happen in the world, and not even in the world, things that impact those that we care about.
I think the hard thing for me is that the Bible says all things work for the good of those who love God. I do have a hard time seeing that there is a good to these babies dying. Yes, I know people have come to Christ through Sydney's illness, but as a selfish mommy, I don't think I'd want my child to die to let others live. Yes, that is awful of me as a Christian to say, but it's the honest mommy heart truth. Mary went through that, but at least Jesus wasn't a baby when he died. And then she did get to see him 3 days later. These families that have lost their babies won't see their children for years and years. Yes, when they're reunited someday in heaven it won't seem like it's been ages since they last saw eachother, but those of us who live in real time (everyone) it's still a long ways away. We age. They don't. We go through turmoil, happy times, sad times, inbetween times without that loved one.
I think being a parent is the hardest job ever just because you love someone so much that even thinking about anything remotely bad happening to them gives you a big old stomach ache. I guess you just have to take one day at a time and live in the moment and enjoy it all.