Longing

I spent some time at Providence today taking photos for the yearbook. I love being attached to that place still. Love seeing my former students grow up, love chatting with *most* of the parents, love seeing old co-workers who were more friends than co-workers. The bad part is that it stirs up a longing. What made it harder today than usual is I was by myself, not chasing after Knox, and I had orchestra afterwards. It was reminiscent of past Thursdays. I would teach all day, go to La Madeline's or Corner Bakery, get dinner, grade papers or read and then walk back over to PCBC where my car was parked to go to orchestra. Tonight I went to Providence, saw people, took pics, parked my car by PCBC, walked to Corner Bakery, got some soup, sat on a bench outside because it was so nice out, ate my dinner, read Dallas Child, and then went to orchestra.
I love staying at home, don't get me wrong, but part of me will long for teaching again. Sometimes I wish I could do both. That I could teach and stay home at the same time. Don't ask me how that would work! I was supposed to coach volleyball this fall for Covenant. I was so looking foward to it because it was going to pacify that longing for teaching that I've had to put on the shelf. It fell through at the last moment. I'm hoping maybe basketball will be an option instead now. Keeping my fingers crossed about that one. I know that I can teach Knox, and I do, but when you're used to teaching deep concepts about chemisty and physics, building a block tower doesn't always have the same appeal.
I know that in my current state teaching would wear me out completely anyhow, so it is good that I'm at home since my thyroid hates me and makes me feel some days like it's never going to be good again. I know it'll get better, but there are periods in my day where I feel pretty cruddy.
Oh well. Such is life. Maybe that is why I stay so busy so that I don't have to pay attention to the part of me that misses teaching science to all those children. Some day. But the thing is, some day won't be the same. Even if I got my old position back, the co-workers would be different. My old students would be gone. It would be different. Then maybe I'd not like it and be unhappy and long for the days of staying at home.
It seems in life we're always longing for something or missing something. It's hard sometimes to be content with what you have and be satisfied with your current lot in life.
I am happy with life, just sometimes I miss things that aren't possible anymore.